North (1994)
Rating – 0/4
*SPOILERS*
“You can’t handle the truth!” – A Few Good Men
“I’ll have what she’s having.” – When Harry Met Sally
“I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anybody?” – Stand by Me
“As you wish.” – The Princess Bride
Above are some great quotes from films directed by Rob Reiner. Year after year came hit after hit, memorable movie after memorable movie. And then came the travesty which is North, starring Elijah Wood, Bruce Willis, Jon Lovitz, Alan Arkin, Dan Aykroyd, and many other actors* that have wasted their talents in this “touching, personal fable” as Rob Reiner calls it. Funny considering that North is listed as one the worst films of all time.
The movie follows the story of a boy named North (sorry Kanye West), played by Elijah Wood. Feeling neglected by his parents, North decides to “divorce” his parents and search the world for better ones. Quirky yes, but quirky comedies have been successful before. So how could this movie go wrong?
For starters, the comedy is ABSENT. Not one joke works. One example: “Since we don’t use the letters B, C, D, and F, you’re pretty guaranteed straight A’s.” Yeah, that’s a joke found on a cereal box, not in a film made by a very talented director.
Right?
Right?
WRONG!!!
Every other joke takes too long to set up, isn’t executed properly, or just falls flat. I can’t list them all here, lest I bore you. And for an alleged “family movie,” many jokes are far too adult for kids to understand. Not that they should be watching this movie anyway, mind you.
But the biggest let down is the use of stereotypes for the humor. Throughout his journey to find new parents, North visits many different families around the globe from African tribes, to France, to Texas, and to the North Pole with the Eskimos, with each stereotype getting worse and worse. In Texas, the parental candidates (Dan Aykroyd and Reba McIntyre) dress in flashy cowboy clothes, speak in horrible southern accents, and are obsessed with eating and roping cows. The Eskimos are all white actors in Red Face makeup, the French are obsessed with crepes and Jerry Lewis, and the Hawaiians have stereotypical accents and are borderline pedophilic. Thankfully, many other ethnicities are also spared from the stereotypes, although the damage is done. And like the other “jokes”, this is all played for comedy. Failed comedy.
And…SPOILER ALERT…the whole plot is the recycled, “All Just a Dream” trope. Yep, North wakes up and realizes that he doesn’t need other parents and he loves his family no matter who they are. Everything, all of the stereotypical families were all just a dream. Does that mean that North is a racist? If so, he really should be seeking a counselor or sensitivity training. And the moral of the story is, “There’s no place like home”, even stated by Bruce Willis’ character word for word. Hey, I’ve heard that before in another movie. It’s called The Wizard of Oz.
The biggest question is this: how did this get made?! How could a director think this film would serve as entertainment? How could this pass as a heartwarming and personal fable when it’s already been done in other, superior works? Are immaturity and ethnic stereotypes heartwarming? Listen, plenty of films and television shows use racial jokes so I’m not offended by that. Mel Brooks, Chris Rock, and Dave Chappelle are some examples, so the problem isn’t the racism. No, I’m more offended by North’s lack of humor, which is the worst crime a comedy can commit.
North definitely went south for Rob Reiner this time. Sorry, was that a bad joke? Well, North is one big joke of a movie. One that elicits no laughter.
*This was Scarlett Johansson’s film debut. Thank you, Scarlett, for becoming Black Widow and having a good career. You escaped the shame of this movie.
