Slender Man (2018)

Rating – 0.5/4

*Spoilers*

Slender Man? More like Stupid Girls. Because that’s what this whole movie is. Stupid teenagers making stupid decisions, and because of that, bad things happen. It’s also a movie full of the “classic” jump scares, fake-outs, and cheesy special effects that make people laugh. All signs of a horror movie pumped out to make a fast buck. And sadly, due to the timing, probably meant to capitalize on the infamous Slender Man stabbing in 2014. So, exploiting human tragedy for money. I’d be ashamed and angry but what did you expect from Hollywood? 

So, the plot goes like this: 

“Hey, let’s summon Slender Man!”

“Really, isn’t that dangerous?”

“Nah, what could go wrong?” 

And of course, things go wrong. Big surprise! After four girls stupidly summon Slender Man, their friend goes missing, and it's a race against the clock to find her. And of course, each of them ends up getting picked off one by one by a man with no face. And besides no face, there’s no mystery. No mythos is explored. There’s no backstory. The characters have no development and are unrelatable and unlikeable. And it’s not scary. Isn’t a horror movie supposed to be…well…you know…scary? I’d be trashing the film but why should I? There’s nothing to this movie that makes it worth it.

Slender Man is just a boring waste of time but there’s not much I can say. It’s boring, bland, and forgettable. It’s not offensive or breaks cinema in a negative way, but does clog up space for better films. I can give some credit to the atmosphere but that’s really about it. Visuals don’t automatically make a good film. Like I said before, this film was meant for a quick buck and succeeded, making fifty million dollars on a budget of twelve million. It’s upsetting, but at least it’s not the end of the world. If you want a good horror film, there’s plenty out there. But don’t choose this one.

Hell, Slender Man himself probably wouldn’t choose this one either.